Arsenal had scored ten in their last two away games, while Sheffield United had conceded ten in two at home. Despite Thierry Henry’s ‘it’s football – anything can happen’ protestations in the Sky Sports studio, this game was over before it started. A very good Premier League football team at the peak of its powers was playing a very bad Premier League football team at its lowest ebb.

We all got excited, as we always do, in the hope of double figures after Arsenal went in 5-0 up at half-time, at which point Jamie Carragher claimed “I can’t think of anything worse in a half of football” than what he had seen from Sheffield United, but spoilsport Mikel Arteta is all too focused on winning the Premier League and rested key players after the break.

They added just one more after half-time, and full disclosure, we fully expected there to be at least a couple more than that when we decided to do this ranking. Shame on them, but more shame on Sheffield United.

We’ve ranked the six goals by just how embarrassing they were for the hosts. Ben White scoring with his left foot was pipped to top spot.

6) Jayden Bogle (13′ og)

On the embarrassing Premier League own goal scale, if Tony Popovic’s audacious flick for Crystal Palace vs Portsmouth is a 10, this may only have been a two or three. Bogle could have got his feet sorted out a bit quicker, but it came at him at a fair rate. This one’s on Auston Trusty, who was understandably wary of allowing Bukayo Saka inside given what we all know he can do with that lethal left foot, but there’s showing a player down the line and there’s granting them free rein of it. The cross through the goalkeepers legs provided some shame sprinkles, with Trusty being an Arsenal player until the summer the chagrin cherry on top.

5) Martin Odegaard (5′)

The problem wasn’t the goal itself – though Sheffield United should probably have been more aware of a cutback to Odegaard, such is the regularity with which he scores from them – it was that by the time Odegaard had opened the scoring Arsenal had already hit the bar, had a shot cleared off the line and been a toe away from scoring from a yard out. ‘Pray for Sheffield’ was trending on social media and bracket keys were tested ahead of their use circa 10pm.

4) Kai Havertz (25′)

Anel Ahmedhodzic is the Sheffield United captain. He got bullied off the ball, threw Martinelli to the ground and then complained to the referee after Kai Havertz – yes, Kai Havertz – fired the into the far corner like a 30-goal-a-season stirker. Not clear whether it was indeed The Real Kai Havertz we saw or whether playing Sheffield United makes every player look like The Real version of themselves. Bit of both, probably.

3) Declan Rice (39′)

Saka to the byline for the 427th time before the Blades were granted the sweet release of his substitution at half-time. A great pull-back from him and a clean finish from Declan Rice, and there’s no particular shame in Ben Osborn being beaten for pace and trickery by one of the Premier League’s best. The humiliation here is Chris Wilder’s. The Sheffield United boss brought Osborn on for an understandably peeved Oliver Norwood after 13 minutes, presumably with the express interest of putting the shackles on Saka.

2) Ben White (58′)

He had scored six goals in 276 senior appearances, four with his right foot and two with his head, before leathering that ball into the corner with his left. He looked as surprised as anyone.

Ben White Sheffield United© Provided by Football365

Ben White scored just the seventh goal of his career against Sheffield United.

1) Gabriel Martinelli (15′)

We’re not sure a deflection can still be classed as ‘cruel’ when you’re already 2-0 down after 15 minutes, and at least the defender tried to get in the way of an Arsenal shot on this occasion. The greatest of all ignominies here came courtesy of Jakub Kiwior, the Arsenal centre-back, playing at left-back, who delivered a one-touch no-look assist: a skill generally reserved for Brazilian wingers or Sunday league d*ckheads, not a bit-part Polish defender who’s had more transfer links away from Arsenal than appearances for them.